finding solitude

this was the trip that was unplanned.

this was the time(sometime in July last year) when everything in my life was like a chaos. i didn't understand what's happening with my life, everything seems uncontrollable. from a colorful to a dull life, i was uber bored. all my techniques on how to be happy, alive, vibrant, optimistic  were no longer working on me. my patience was really tested. i don't know where my career or personal life is heading, it was like running in circle. 

the night before. i had an online chat with my former colleague. i told him about what's bothering me and said that i want an escape even just for a day. i want to go somewhere far. he suggested to visit Lady of Manaoag Church (known as patroness of the sick, the helpless and the needy) which is located in Manaoag, Pangasinan. although, i already heard about the church many times from my countrymen  but i've never been there in my entire life.

friday. i was quite excited but hesitant to go, this will be my first  solo travel in a strange place. straight from the office right after my shift, i went directly in one of the bus terminals in Cubao. inside my bag, i brought my wallet, camera, a piece of shirt,  undergarments and a pair of slippers. i was quite scared because i have no idea where's my drop-off and i don't know where i am going but i told myself this is my chance to be brave. 

on the bus. a quarter before 12 midnight when the bus left the metro. while i was on travel, i kept on asking myself   "what is the meaning of life? to whom i am living for? why life can't be simple just like that? what do i really want to do in my life? and other typical-quarter-life-crisis-questions. before i fell asleep, i was trying to memorize my petitions to the Lady of Manaoag, i wanted to ask a specific thing but inside my head i also don't know what specific thing i'm going to ask. after four and a half hours, the lady who sat beside me whom i had a little chat before i fell asleep woke me up and said that we're already in Urdaneta, Pangasinan (my first drop-off). she told me to be ready and asked the bus driver to stop when we already reached the place where she said i can take my next ride going to the church. before i stepped out from the bus, she was asking me questions like why am i travelling alone and so on. she was like a mother who's quite worried for her daughter to be far from her but has no choice but to let her go. i was touched for the little concern she showed to me, i wanted to just sit and continue the journey wherever she is going (anyway i don't have an itinerary) but reminded myself that i have my own destiny to follow. 

there's actually a direct trip from Manila to Manaog but because it was already late when i arrived at the bus terminal i didn't catch the last trip on that day, so i needed to take another ride just to get there. i rented a tricycle (with a driver of course :P), the ride that took me from Urdaneta to Manaoag. while i was on the road, i was observing the surrounding. i haven't seen anyone walking in the street, everyone was yet asleep, there were streetlights but the rest of the place was covered with darkness, that if ever the tricycle driver will do something bad to me no one can rescue but thank God the driver was a nice person - i was safe.

Lady of Manaoag Church.  5 a.m. when i  finally arrived at the church (30 minutes before the first mass has started). i was quite surprised that the mass was a bit shorter than the regular mass i've attended (maybe because it was yet too early?). i left seated after the mass and was starting to recall my petitions i'm trying to memorize while i was still on the bus but i failed to remember any. i wanted to ask for something but don't know exactly what i really wanted at that time, so i just said i don't know why i am here and i don't know where i am going after this, maybe i'll just ask for guidance and safety wherever my feet will bring me today.

when i was at the candle area of the church, i've seen some lit candles and was thinking, whoever lighted these candles might asked something from God. are they really important? are they a matter of life and death? are they asking for miracles?  whatever their petitions if they are for the goodness, may God hear them all.

at the back side of the church

after pouring my heart out through a prayer, i roamed a round the area and found out that they have a garden. i spent half an hour just taking photos of statues that can be found there.  

i was planning to spend my whole day inside the church but i'm getting bored already and i think i have said what i needed to say to God, so i went out and took this photo and said goodbye.

i went out to have breakfast and to decide where to go next, but when i found an empty jeepney waiting for its passengers i already hopped in. i seated beside the driver so that i could ask for directions, possible places where i can stay in the evening and about the place itself.  the driver told me that it will take 30 minutes (less traffic) before i'll reach my next destination but i lost count because i fell asleep again. i felt a little embarrassed of myself because everyone seemed had a goodnight sleep while i look like i haven't slept for a year.

DAGUPAN

MANAOAG is where i came from and DAGUPAN is where i took this photo while having my first meal of the day.

proof that i was really in Dagupan.

after having my breakfast i went to one of the beaches where the jeepney driver suggested (sorry i forgot the name). even i just had my breakfast i ordered chips and a softdrink just to have a reason for me to sit and relax at the bayside. i was expecting for a white sand and blue water but couldn't find any but nevertheless i enjoyed watching people and locals' way of living. i've seen children playing and i remembered my childhood, when my playmates are yet innocent and carefree. :P  

 i zoned out after few minutes of watching this person playing with his dog (maybe because of the cool breeze and my tiredness) but that was the most relaxing time i had during this trip. 

small fishing boat

fishermen who are helping one another in pulling their fishnet (not the boat ^_^)

children enjoy your childhood, don't hurry to grow up you'll be there eventually.

 you can only live your life once so make it well little one

yes, i was there all alone!

fast forward. after Dagupan i went to Hundred Islands National Park which is located in Alaminos, Pangasinan. around 3 hours travelling time by bus from Daguan to Alaminos and vise versa. i'm happy that i finally reached this place on unexpected day because me and some of my colleagues were planning to go here before but it never happened. 

 riding the tricyle from Alaminos bus terminal to hundred islands national park. can you spot me in this picture? :D

arriving

if you can see the small bumps in this picture, that's exactly the hundred islands and by renting these boats you can  visit those islands... and count all you can. :P

when i was roaming around the area, i saw this woman. i was curious of what she's doing and i asked her if i could help. i'm glad that she allowed me to interfere and taught me how to carve a sea shell through paint and muriatic acid. while i was busy learning, we also had a small chat and i've learned that they own a small business and this is one of the products that they are selling. it's where they are getting money for their daily expenses and she learned this through her mother. we have the same age but she's already married and has 3 kids. it's her husband who actually took this photo. 

 i found a little friendship over my short period of time staying at this place.

charraan, the product of our hardwork and the names of my friends. my simple present to them from this trip.

my final picture before leaving

i was planning to stay overnight here but i couldn't find my ideal accommodation so i just decided to go home instead. it was 12mn when i'm finally back in Manila.

there are times i feel unhappy, uncontented and left behind with so many things in life but in this journey i've seen different ordinary individuals. some were smiling, some were staring in daze (what are they thinking?), some were looking so damn tired but kept on working just to have something to give for their loved ones.

life is so unfair, but remember that each one of us has its own struggles whether you are rich or poor. i guess we only feel unlucky when we start comparing ourselves to others who have some things which we don't have but only if we know how to appreciate small things, we'll learn how blessed we are.

although some of my questions are not yet answered but today i feel better and i'm glad that i took this trip as a breather. maybe there are some questions in life that can only be answered in due time or worse, don't have an answer at all. every situation, event, emotion, etc. is just temporary, they can change any time soon. just put one foot in front of the other and keep on going. :)